Do you know how I´m laying this sucker down right now, this here post right now? On my phone. I am writing to millions of people across the interwebs (I really should be a little more honest with myself right now, it´s more like maybe 30 people) on my goddamn phone. Not my laptop, because that thing is a four year old antique. On my fucking phone. Technology is grand, isn´t it? Let´s go through a typical day connected to my peers across the globe, shall we?
First thing is I get up. Woken, of course, by my phone, with it´s darling little chime at 7:30 am. I head to the washroom (with my phone) and begin to masterbate furiously to midget goat pornography, shot with HD and sent from a region of the world where midget goat porn is well within the bounds of the law. I thank the Norse Goddess Lofn for this bounty of illicit unions available at my fingertips. All of this provided by my phone.
I finish quickly and head to kitchen. I look to my phone for guidance. I search for ´killer awesome breakfast recipes´ and the phone returns to me with a gathering of only the finest ´killer awesome breakfast recipes´. I choose the recipe with the highest rating, as the hive mind has spoken. After my wonderfully banal selection has been prepared, I twitter on over to my facebook and see if anyone has commented on the clever quip I have left up upon my wall. Four comments! Not only am I a poet, but I am a poet with an audience! Jubilations!
And lo, what is this? I have received a message from a new friend! Two days ago I had no idea who she was, but we are now friends. How quickly this technology has allowed us to forge bonds! I text her right away to tell her we should meet for coffee (the place we have chosen has Wi-Fi). I check my phone for the bus schedule. I can make it in seventeen minutes, the phone assures me. I take off!
We meet for coffee and have one of the greatest conversations a person can have while an electronic leash is barking at you every thirty seconds. We almost connect at one point, talking the horrible effects that SOPA will have on our freedoms. Even if this act isn´t taking place in our country. Even if there an even more insidious act is taking place in the European union called ACTA. Even if our own government is trying to put in place a similar bill, Bill C-11. We both stand firm in our resolve to sign an online petition to combat SOPA. Our good deed is done.
After coffee, I check my phone for any updates in the world of media. My favorite band has released a new album! I hit the music store application and pull the music right from the airways of digital information that wafts though the space in between us. I look at my phone, marveling at it´s magnificence. I wonder how something like this could have been conceived. Was it one man? A team of geniuses? Was it the mobilized forces of Chinese workers, willing to work for mere dollars a day while pulling 12 hours shifts, seven days a week, able to completely revamp and redesign an entire factory with in ungodly schedule deadlines, in conditions that most of the western world would consider slavery? I shuddered at the thought of this labor force put into the industry of warfare. I pushed this big idea out of my head and choose to believe that it was conceived with magic instead.
Back at home, I playing a game, watching a movie and texting at the same time, all with my phone. My speech was becomin shortr n shrtr. We ddnt ned a mnstry of newspeak. We were cnstrctin 1 far bttr than they culd hav eva imagind. Whos dreem wuz this? Who said ¨1984? Brave New World? Why can´t we have the best of both?´
From the desk of the Illustrious Mr. Charlton
p.s. Sent from my IPhone.
No comments:
Post a Comment